It was 2am the last time I looked at the clock and then 4am when I woke. I pretty much just laid there trying to quiet my mind long enough to get more than 2 hours of sleep before driving to Des Moines for our next show. But that’s all I got. This has happened to me before when I knew I really needed the sleep because of the schedule and caused myself to struggle to sleep even more because of how much I needed it. It’s these times I have had to learn that I will do better to not talk unless I have to and definitely I should not try to be funny. That never works and has many times even come out offensive thus requiring an apology.
If you read my Oct 19 post on “Recovering Type A”, this is when that part of my personality wants to rear up and say, “I’m still here”. Well, my brother read it and reminded me of it as we were crossing the street to go meet up with the group and a half attentive, cell phone using, car driving girl turns the corner in front of us. Her quality of driving didn’t meet my standards for that particular moment and I apparently didn’t hide it very well. By the way, mix hunger in this personality cocktail for me and It’s really time to just duck tape my mouth shut.
See that’s the thing. We all can do way better in optimal situations like fully rested, fully fed, fully funded, fully whatever, but how well do we do when any or all of those start to be removed? It makes a great case for making decisions, especially big ones, when in the right frame of mind. But when I’m not there, I am learning to just breathe a little more, talk a little less (maybe a lot less), and smile even if it’s starts out a bit forced. Funny thing about smiling is, when you do it forced or not, you start to feel better because of it. Bare minimum, I’m least preventing the funk from spreading past myself.
The other thing to do in these situations is to allow feedback from the people around you to let you know how you are doing. When my brother said that to me, it snapped me out of it pretty quick and made me fully aware again of the state I was in. The fruit of that gave me the most incredible experience with some of the best people I could have experienced it with, eating some of the best tasting food I’ve had and then capped off with a really great show experience for me. I slept great that night, took a nap later that day and went to bed early last night. Now would be a great time to make a big decision.